My Dream Job

I have a dream job, but I will get to that in a moment.  First, let me preface this thought with a portrait of my childhood home:  My dad was our youth soccer coach, back when Goalie was a coveted position because you got to wear a special shirt.  At practices my dad would ask "who wants to play goalie?" and while 10 other little girls bounced up and down yelling "me, me, me!" Mary Beth (who lived across the street and was used to my dad's quirks) and I waited patiently and then confidently said "I do."  The red shirt was ours to split.  A good lesson that good grammar can get you what you want.

When I was 10 my mom told me she would pay me a dollar if I ever caught her in a written or spoken grammatical error.  When I was 23 she had enjoyed a glass or two of wine while watching the World Series and commented that the Tigers were playing "real good."  I put out my hand and demanded my dollar.  13 years I waited for it.  A good lesson that good grammar can be lucrative.  My parents put a premium on good grammar growing up. It might sound like a strange or demanding way to grow up, but my sister is now earning her PhD in English and I make a living by writing on behalf of other people.  Good grammar can be lucrative.  So, when I began to ask a certain little boy of ours how he slept last night and he answered "good," I had to take action.  Every morning at breakfast I would make him repeat "I slept very well," until that became the stock answer.  While there are a lot of things I like about living in the south, the repetitive abuse of the adverb is not one of them, and my children will not fall victim to it. 

Back to my dream job.  I would love to run a company where I am hired by small businesses to come in and just take a quick grammatical look around their operations.  My insides cringe when I see unnecessary apostrophes and nonsensical quotation marks in public places.  My chiropractor closes early on Friday's.  Tip's are welcome at the local coffee shop (although they won't be getting any from me until they change the sign).  They're There and Their on a menu.  Or, my recent favorite, the park vendor serving "Beef" Hot Dogs and Chees Pizza.  AH!  I'm not saying my grammar or even spelling is always perfect.  I get into a rhythm especially when typing online, like we all do, and I miss things here and there.  But this is not my livelihood.  If you are running your own business, please, do the grammarfreaks like my family and me (yes, it is "me," you wouldn't say "like I") a favor and quickly scan the published word which you are presenting to the world as a reflection of your trade.  Or, hire someone, LIKE ME!, to do it for you.   Hourly rate is negotiable.  I can work on site or you can send me a draft of your menu/publication over email.  I guarantee you will have more business from people like my parents.