-"I think Martha Dicus is perhaps the nicest person ever made."
-"She's at least the nicest person I've ever met."
-"Seriously, I can't think of a plain nicer person, in the purest sense of the word."
-"She's the most thoughtful, generous, and genuine person we know."
-"I can't think of another."
End of conversation.
Martha spoiled our children, and I like to think it was because she liked them best of all the children she knew, or she at least thought of them as very special. She and Sean were regular pen pals, only her notes usually came with a pack of markers, stickers, stuffed animal, new book or other toy, and as soon as she got a thank-you note from Sean (and too often without a thank you note), a new note with a special surprise appeared on Cody's desk. This regular correspondence led me to think our children were special to Martha, until I once visited her office and saw an entire bookshelf laden with said markers, stickers, books and toys that she regularly sent out to the children of friends whom she loved. I have a feeling there are many other families out there who think Martha liked them "best," or at least thought of them as very special.
Martha was diagnosed with cancer last year. It was a shock to the Public Defender's office and the hundreds of good friends (who, doubtless, each thought of themselves as "special" to Martha) around Charleston and South Carolina. Martha had been sick, but in and out of work, and we wanted to do something special to treat her. We had Martha and Rhett and Rhett's mother over for Easter brunch this year, and while it was relatively simple (although we did work to make it nice), Martha raved about each and every item she tried. She took pictures of the boys, raving that they were the cutest, best boys she knew (how many other families heard that over the years?!) and genuinely enjoyed our morning together. A few days later I got in the mail the entire DVD series of Downton Abbey, which we had chatted about and she said I would like, but I hadn't seen it yet. She ordered me to watch it only when my back hurt from the pregnancy, and laying down in bed. Martha, sick with cancer, losing her hair and her strength--concerned with me and my relatively uneventful pregnancy. Shouldn't I be doing this for her? When she first had to leave work, maybe last fall, Cody and I offered to bring a meal by her apartment. She told us to come by on the appointed day, but when we got there she had made us lunch, including special kid-friendly lunches for the boys. I was humbled.
Martha was the queen of random acts of kindness. Every year after the Big Library Book Sale a pile of carefully selected books appeared on Cody's desk. We got a message on our answering machine a few weeks ago that there are 2 buckets of ice cream waiting for me in the freezer at work, just to get me through the last couple weeks of pregnancy. Although I like to think so, I know we weren't the only recipients of such thought-out offerings of books and treats. But, it wasn't just the little gifts of used books and markers for the boys. Martha was good at the big things too-- like defending the lowest and most needy inhabitants of Charleston (and S.C.). Or, nearly single-handedly arranging for an adoption between a young single mother and a family in want of a baby (a family headed by Cody's (and Martha's) future boss).
While Martha did not share our same belief system, she was one of those rare people who can openly, without judgment, engage in a real, deep, genuine conversation about our beliefs, and discuss the points of difference in a very meaningful, yet loving, way. Cody and I often look to the lives of our Catholic saints for inspiration and example, but Martha could be the best example we have ever known of selflessness, humility, purity and generosity of spirit. She never married or had children of her own, but certainly hundreds of families around South Carolina consider her part of their own.
Sean asked me a few weeks ago what "shows" Ms. Martha likes to watch (he was looking for Curious George, Cat in the Hat, etc). I told him she liked Downton Abbey, so he asked if we could draw her a picture of Downtown Abbey. We started it, but it was actually very hard to draw Downton Abbey. We never finished it, and I regret to say we never got to send it to Ms. Martha. I sent her a thank you note for a generous gift for Annalisa just the other day, and it never got to her.
Martha died yesterday after a massive stroke, a complication of her recent illness. While we knew Martha only for a few years, she has made a profound impact on us. I can't imagine the sadness of the people she has known for decades after all the help and friendship she has bestowed on those lucky families over the years. Its funny, death happens to every one. Its an inescapable part of life, yet, it is still shocking when it happens. I came down the stairs yesterday and Cody told me the news about Martha and I felt like a cannon ball hit me in the chest, exploding an involuntary fountain of emotion. We haven't told Sean the sad news yet, but when we do we will be sure to explain that Ms. Martha now lives in a beautiful paradise with Jesus-- forever.
Ms. Martha and Rhett with our "special" children during a P.D. softball game last summer.
"Downton Abbey": To Ms. Martha, Love Sean.
