Montessori Work at Home

In light of this recent Wall Street Journal article about French Parenting Style I thought I'd post some pictures of my kiddos playing independently.  The article is about an American woman's experience observing French children (in France), who always seemed to be better behaved, better eaters, better sleepers, and better at entertaining themselves without constant parental intervention.  Cody and I strive to live like this and raise well-behaved independent players and thinkers, basically to raise gentlemen.  

At least two books have helped us in this goal tremendously, and should really be thought of as parenting philosophies rather than books.  The first is the Babywise series, the point of which is to get your baby to sleep through the night, and to put himself to sleep independently, as early as possible.  The benefits for the child are huge-- in a culture that is perpetually sleep-deprived, our kids are (almost) always well-rested, happy and ready to learn. That's not to say our motivations weren't selfish.  Cody and I are two of the worst people to be around when we haven't had sleep.  I am a monster-shell of myself in the early post-partum weeks working on only a few hours of broken sleep night after night.  Cody and I are not nice to each other, our friends or our families during this time.  Thank you for sticking with us (if you have).  We need our kids to sleep in order to keep our marriage functional.  The Babywise series has helped us accomplish that from the beginning, as well as teach our kids to play independently as they grow.  At this stage, each boy has 30-60 minutes of "room time" by himself each morning (on a non-school day for Sean), and we have noticed while we are making dinner or otherwise having adult conversation they are very good at having "brother time" alone-together in the family room.  We emphasize that they are not the center of our home's world, but a very special and important part of it.  We show them that Mommy and Daddy have a need to talk to each other and pay attention to each other just like we pay attention to them.  And, this isn't just for show-- we really do have to connect with each other and give each other the respect, attention and affection we give to our kids, if not more. 

The other book/philosophy which we have discovered more recently is the Montessori approach (specifically, Montessori from the Start which is directed at the little ones at home).  Not surprisingly, since Dr. Maria Montessori was French, her philosophy of parenting/teaching also emphasizes independence.  Not for the parents' convenience or sanity or even for the sake of their marriage (which is where the Babywise approach starts), but for the child's own self-esteem and learning.  Sean is in a Montessori program 2 mornings a week, and we have tried to live the principles more fully at home with both of them.  We let (make?) them set the table, choose their activities (within the boundaries of the day's schedule which is made by the parent), and give them a bit more freedom of movement (I have had to work on letting Jamesie walk places on his own rather than always picking him up-- giving him the message he is capable of moving on his own, and he is capable of choosing to follow directions), including stools in the kitchen and all the bathrooms for them to participate in preparing meals and washing their own hands, etc.   

We are not perfect-- we aren't even French.  The idyllic scenes of toddlers pleasantly and quietly eating their dinners at a French restaurant is something we're not really familiar with.  But, we have enjoyed the results of our decided efforts with these boys at home.  I often wonder if we'll be able to keep up with the nap schedules, play times, and just the general effort as more babies are thrown into the daily routine.  Maybe I'll just start a Montessori school for Groebers here at our home. 

Anyway after that long introduction, here are some pics of our boys enjoying their chosen activities and having some brother time at their new table they got from my mom at Christmas.  (Its a Montessori principle to have a table and chairs just their size that they can go to and do their "work" when they want to.  Jamesie is very good at wandering into the office and sitting himself down at the table to do his "work" of coloring directly onto the table). 

 The Montessori method also advocates giving the child freedom to pick his own clothes so he will be more interested in learning how to put them on himself.  Clearly, I'm not ready to relinquish control of the wardrobe yet.